a listen down memory lane

This whole writing every day thing has forced me to kind of drown in nostalgia. I’ve been racking my brain to attach a story to the given prompt and as someone who kind of has a shit memory, it’s been hard.

So instead of trying to craft a long post about memory, here’s a list of songs and a time in my life they remind me of. 

“Warrior” – Kesha

Sophomore year of college. My friends apartment and the parties that were had there. The feeling of being young and carefree.

“Marvelous Things” – Eisley

Thirteen year old me who has a lot of feelings and doesn’t know what to do with them. I was very much trying to make sure I wasn’t “like the other girls.”

“Total Eclipse of the Heart” – Bonnie Tyler

My sisters favorite song. She plays it every time we’re in the car and I can instantly picture her singing her heart out while I’m in the passenger seat cracking up.

“This is How We Do It” – Montell Jordan

Senior year of high school and all the football games we went to. I’m pretty sure we had shirts with the lyrics and it always played at our pep rallies. 

“Goodbye Earl” – Dixie Chicks

Childhood hanging out at my cousins house, running around their neighborhood and just being kids. This Dixie Chicks album was one of the first albums I ever owned and wow, what a classic. 

day six – nostalgia 


a song for you


Whoever said no pain
No gain
Don’t know pain
Intimately like I do
As infinitely as I do
Been lied about and lied to
Too many times to fight it
Some bridges were built to burn
No need to help ignite it

Sometimes you listen to a song, and it nuzzles into your brain and lives there for awhile. This one has been occupying my mind for the past couple of weeks. You should listen to it.


day three – incorporate music

Hey remember those Russian lesbian singers? Well now you will.

I wish I could go back and tell baby closeted me that hey it’s okay for you to watch that one music video of the girls kissing in the rain. You don’t have to run away embarrassed every time you see it. (This goes the same for that one scene in the movie thirteen when Nicki Reed and Evan Rachel Wood kiss. I’ve watched that scene through fingers covered eyes so many times.) Yet at the the time I wasn’t ready to admit I liked girls so seeing women be affectionate with each other always embarrassed and scandalized me.


That one music video with the girls in the rain? You might know what I’m talking about if you were raised in the 2000s  but that video was the Russian girl duo t.a.T.u. and man did I miss out on this wonderfully gay music when I was a kid. Luckily, I had a friend bring the band back in to my life and the past couple of days I’ve had a crash course in t.a.T.u.’s discography and there are some AMAZING bops in there.

Such as my current favorite song Stars.

This song is insane. The first time I heard it I texted my friend freaking out.

And then there’s Loves Me Not, a BI ANTHEM. There are so little songs that refer to loving both a guy and a girl so when I first heard this one I almost jumped out of my chair. The lyrics “he loves me, she loves me not” continued to play in my head the rest of the day and wow am I just thankful for this song coming into my life.

My last recommendation is Malchik Gay which is SUCH a catchy song, like seriously be warned if you listen to this it will get stuck in your head the rest of the day. The lyrics are basically about a girl falling for a gay boy. Something I’ve never heard in a pop song before. Of course, I love it.

t.a.T.u. really does not shy away from embracing the music’s queerness. Their music videos follow the plot line of their lyrics with the singers, Lena and Julia, in a relationship, showing them together kissing, holding hands, fighting to be together and also murdering people?. Their music videos are a RIDE please go watch them if you haven’t already. This story line crossed over to their live performances as well. If it’s an older show, they most likely kiss at some point on stage and act very affectionate towards each other, but later in their career together they end up only holding hands occasionally.

So I’ll be the first to say that I love them. The songs, the videos, the performances, they’re great to watch and make my little bisexual heart sing and yet…Lena and Julia were never actually together in real life. The whole lesbian act was just that, an act. Which not going to lie, bothers me. It’s common for men to see two women kissing and think oh that’s hot and that they’re doing it for them and not for themselves. It misrepresents queer women and instead of being great lesbian representation t.a.t.u.’s dynamic becomes a shock performance for people to ogle at, and that….really sucks.

And yet maybe that’s why it’s a good thing I’m rediscovering them now when they are long done performing together and putting on an act that they are lovers. I can suspend my knowledge of them as singers and focus on the character of them and the lyrics of the songs. With queer women still being widely unrepresented in pop music I’ll continue to bop along to All the things she said and be thankful that I no longer have to run away from watching a music video of two girls kissing in the rain, and look out for real queer representation along the way.

SPEAKING OF I’d like to give a special shout out to Hayley Kiyoko, or lesbian jesus as the internet is calling her, who is an out and loud girl lover making unapologeticly gay pop music. I’m glad representation has taken a huge step forward from pretend lesbians to real ones and her debut album is out now and its filled with pop songs about girls loving girls.

Fan art and Korean music – Too Much Media #2

Happy Friday!

I just got back from my Seattle vacation and am sick as a dog. I’m holed up in my room with a box of tissues and water bottles trying to get better. So instead of a well thought out blog post this week, here are some various things that have made me happy the past couple of weeks.

1. Fanart Zines!

Okay so what is a zine? WELL a zine is basically a self made magazine, or in this case art book. They can center on a specific topic, or fandom, or whatever really, zines don’t have specific rules. There are a lot of zines out in the world, and I wish I could buy them all up but in the past week I have purchased two.


The first is a studio ghibli fanart zine called Spirit. I follow A LOT of artists on twitter and one of them contributed to this art book and I when I looked at the previews I knew I had to get it. I mean come ON studio ghibli art in general is BEAUTIFUL but then when artists put their own twist on it? LOVE. Plus some of the proceeds are going towards environmental charities so getting beautiful art and contributing to a good cause? SOLD.

Order the Spirit, a ghibli zine: HERE or follow their TWITTER


The other zine I bought was a BTS fan art zine. If you are not aware, BTS is a korean boy group with a HUGE fanbase named ARMY. Honestly, go educate yourself on BTS because they are about to take over the American music scene. You’re welcome. Anyways some fans got together to make this Love & Youth zine where the proceeds are going towards the UNICEF Love Yourself campaign, a campaign that UNICEF and BTS collaborated on to #endviolence.

Order the Love & Youth zine: HERE or follow their TWITTER

2. Dead by Daylight


Let me tell you right now, I DO NOT like scary things. I hate horror movies, scary games, haunted houses. Just nope nope nope AND YET I’ve been playing this horror survival games with my friends the past couple of weeks and it is SO much fun.

It’s a multiplayer survival game where you can play as the killer or survivor. The goal as the survivor is to fix enough generators to unlock a gate in order to escape while evading the killer. It’s basically like all of the good things from Call of Duty Zombies but without the nonsense. It’s a game that definitely gets my heart racing but the teamwork aspect and simplicity of the concept makes for a great game to play with my friends.

3. Instagram by Dean

Dean is a Korean R&B artist and he recently came out with this song instagram.  The song has a super mellow vibe and I’ve had it on repeat the past couple of days. I LOVE Dean’s voice and if you put English captions on the video you’ll be able to see the English translation for the lyrics.

My favorite line is “There’s a hole in my heart nothing can fill it up, I’m sinking right now inside a square ocean”

I know listening to music in another language isn’t for everyone but before you shrug it off you should give it a try. You’ll open up a whole new world when you realize that music can transcend language.

Don’t call her mama, call her Cass

Have you ever watched Lost? If your answer is no then what’s wrong with you, why haven’t you watched that ICONIC TV show? If your answer is yes then you’ll be familiar with the song “Make Your Own Kind of Music” if you need a refresher that’s the song that was always playing around Desmond, the “see you on the other side brother” guy.  Anyways, now that you know what song I’m talking about let me tell you about the iconic singer of that song, Cass Elliott.

So the other day I was browsing Spotify trying to find something to listen to and happened to stumble upon a folk band called The Big Three. The music was dramatic, and SUPER folky at times but the female singers voice was so beautiful and haunting and I LOVED It.  After listening to “Come Away Melinda” (an antiwar song) “Young Girls Lament” (a song about a girl drinking and then dying??) and “Wild Women” (a super bluesy folk song with so much female swagger) on repeat I branched out and looked up the band’s female singer, Cass Elliott.

And okay WOW the thing about Cass Elliott is that she has such a huge range as a performer. My favorite songs from her with The Big Three are very folk and dramatic but then when I went into to her solo stuff it was so upbeat and almost Broadway. Songs like “Dont Call Me Mama Anymore” (a song referring to her departure from the band Mamas and Papas,) “Don’t Make Me a Memory” (a song that reminds me of Disney for some reason) and then her rendition of “Dream a Little Dream of Me” (with bonus rain sound effects) sounds as if it’s straight out of a musical. The duality between the songs through me for a loop at first but I’m just completely hooked by this woman’s voice.

And since I can never like anything casually I had to look her up and know who this voice belonged to. I was surprised to learn she died SO young, she was only 32 when she was found dead in a London hotel room. There’s a really gross and fat-phobic rumor surrounding her death, since Cass Elliott was a bigger woman a coroner saw a (uneaten) sandwich in her hotel room and told reporters that she had died from choking on it. The truth eventually came out that no, asshole coroner, she didn’t die from choking on food, she had died from a heart attack. There were other stories surrounding her weight, such as almost being denied from the band the Mamas and Papas because she didn’t fit in with the “image” of the group but you just can’t quiet her amazing voice and luckily for music listeners everywhere she made it into the band.

And yet despite all the fat-phobic rumors and various situations in which people judged her for her weight, from listening to her I don’t feel like she let the world’s opinions on her body keep her down. In her album of her CBS television special she jokes with the audience that it’s so hot on stage that the other night she put yeast on her stomach and when she was done with her set she had made Toulouse cookies. She then goes on to sing “I Like What I Like” in the wake of laughter and thunderous applause like the queen she is.

All songs mentioned can be found here:


Read, Watch, Listen – Too much media #1

I consume A LOT of media. I listen to music all day everyday, like I seriously freak out if I don’t have headphones with me while I work. I’m constantly reading, because I really don’t know how to not be reading and as any person my age I watch a lot of Hulu and Netflix. SO I’m starting this new series called read watch listen – too much media where I share what I’m currently reading, watching and listening to.

Here we go.

Currently Reading: The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood.


This book has been on my radar for awhile, before the Hulu series came out I saw it on a lot of favorites lists and always read good things about it but never got around to picking it up myself. Well the time has finally come and in our current political and social climate it makes this novel an eerie read. If you haven’t heard of the book or the Hulu series the general plot line is that America is no longer and women are now striped of all rights, not able to read, to write, to do anything but attempt to become pregnant by the men their assigned to. I’m only about 80 pages in but I already know this is a book I’ll take slowly because man is it going to hurt.

Random quote I love: “nolite te bastardes carborundorum

Currently Watching: Marvel’s Runaways.


Okay I’ll be the first to tell you that I’m super burnt out on superhero content but wow does this series feel fresh and new. The series centers around a group of teenagers who’s parents are a part of this weird murdery organization. The kids start to develop powers and also witness something that makes them think their parents may be shitty people and band together to figure out what the heck is happening. I’m only about half way through the season but I really love the diverse characters and their group dynamic. I’ve always been a sucker for teenage superheroes (shoutout Teen Titans) so I’m excited to see where this series goes and if it keeps me interested throughout. ALSO to be perfectly honest I heard there was a gay relationship between two main characters so0o0o0o of course I’m going to stick around for that.

Random tidbit I loved: The kids use Lyft to travel which is just so hilarious to me like who got Lyft to sponsor this show.

Currently Listening: Something to Tell You by Haim


A couple of years ago I stayed up all night listening to Haim’s debut album, Days Are Gone and watching all of their interviews that were on Youtube. I fell in love with the band, made up of three sisters, Este, Danielle and Alana, their music is such a great pop rock mix, their voices are beautiful and I want to be their best friend. They’re just so cool, in the effortlessly cool way that I’ve always wanted to be.

ANYWAYS Sometime to Tell You is their latest album and although it took me way too long to finally listen to it, I have now kept it on repeat. My favorite songs on the album are Walking Away, Nothing’s Wrong, Ready For You and Found It In Silence, but man the entire album is just SO good.

Random favorite lyric: “If you were gonna change things you would’ve by now” – Walking Away

So there you go , that is what I’m reading, watching and listening to at the moment. If you have any recommendations for what I should read/watch/listen to next then feel free to comment, or tweet me, or message me on insta or beep me.

Random side note after I wrote beep me: When I went to Emo Nite the DJ kept playing the Kim Possible ringtone in between songs and I never understood WHY, it was so strange.