I was having trouble writing today’s post, so here’s Rubi offering up to do a guest post for me and saving the day:
Hello, welcome to my little moonpie’s blog. Today’s topic was about anxiety and it was just fitting enough that raye raye was having anxiety about this specific post so she allowed a guest post – by me, Rubi (link my blog & give me promo pls.) I want to tell you a brief snippet about myself and anxiety that moonpie (yes, I will only refer to her as this from now on) played an important apart of.
My sophomore year of college was PEAK anxiety for myself. Real adult problems were heading my way while also all of the regular, fun problems like too many social events and finishing up basics that I was paying too much money for to breeze thru. I found myself meeting new people, moonpie being one of them. It’s funny because I remember one of my first interactions with moonpie was that she was one confident bitch. Both of those things matter. Confident because she seemed like she truly knew who she was and bitch because highkey she wasn’t as friendly as I wanted her to be. However, some part of the way I found myself weathering long nights at my apartment with moonpie and what would later be the CoreFour(trademark pls). From previous posts on this blog, I think it’s safe to say she was just as lost as I was at this time but boy, she faked it well.
There was a night I think of often where moonpie was at my apartment and she was sitting on the bar of my kitchen, upset over a friendship that was soon to end in a friendship break up. Can we all agree that friendship break ups are just as painful if not more than a regular break up??? Anyway, thru tears she told me that she was going to end this friendship because the person on the other end didn’t appreciate her anymore. She felt like what kept them friends wasn’t there anymore. I don’t want to pretend to know EVERYTHING in her head at that moment but anyway. Around this same time, I was having the same problem and among everything else going on in my life, I did not have the courage to come to that same realization.
For the longest time, I had one person who had been there for me thru my absolute worst anxious episodes. The kinds where you think you truly are going crazy. The kind where you need someone to talk you off the metaphorical ledge in your head. At this point, that same person was almost using that as a crutch against me. Instead of helping me navigate like they had before, they were expecting me to accept shitty behavior towards me because they had “been there.” I remember writing in my journal later that night that I saw myself in moonpie. I saw the same pain of holding on to a toxic relationship and both the anxiety around bringing a conversation up with my friend, the anxiety of possibly losing them from my life, but the realization that I had some new people around me that were turning out to love me for all the parts of me too.
When finally having the conversation with my person, I got the complete opposite. I got a complete turn around and sometimes I think about how long I would have held onto my feelings, or wouldn’t have had the courage to make a change had I not seen myself in moonpie. In a big nutshell, she kinda helped me save that friendship and it’s one of my dearest relationships to this day. That confident bitch really did THAT.
Please check out Rubi’s blog at
http://www.thepensbarrel.com/ and tell her how much I love her because this post made me teary.
day four – anxiety