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I am a child of the internet.

I mean, obviously, I have a BLOG for christs sake.

So since I was young, I’ve been documenting my life online, whether that be in written, photo or video form. I was an early lover of youtube vlogs, was one of the first of my friends to utilize twitter and Instagram and oh boy did I love to rant about my feelings on tumblr. Sharing so much of myself on the internet has always seemed so natural to me. It’s what everyone did and I didn’t mind that it took only a millisecond to search my name and find my facebook, twitter, my email address, and pages and pages of photos of myself.

How else was I going to convey to my family and friends that I was living it up, enjoying life and having a good time if not by posting about it everywhere? How else would I let that person know they hurt me unless I subtweeted about it? How else would old friends feel a pang of jealousy if they couldn’t scroll through my feed and see what they were missing? How else would I get famous if I’m not discovered by my witty tweets and catchy instagram?

Looking back, those thoughts and feelings seemed drenched in insecurity and awful communication skills. If a person hurts me, I should tell them not tweet about them. My family and friends are a phone call or text away I should check in with them instead of watching their lives play out through their social media. Then another huge lesson, I get to choose who is in my life, who knows what I’m up to and how I’m doing. I don’t have to perform and put out this facade for random passerbys to check out and determine I’m doing okay for myself. I get to decide who I let in.

I guess I matured and grew into that understanding of social media and my life online, over the course of my twenties I tweeted less, posted less photos and deleted all the accounts I don’t use anymore. I took a hard look at what I was seeing every day through social media and unfollowed/unfriended anyone who wasn’t surviving a purpose in my life. I also went through all my accounts and cleansed them of anything that I felt like didn’t represent me anymore and in some cases, like the instagram I’ve had since high school, I just deleted and remade an account.

I never understood the appeal of anonymity until now. It’s comforting, searching my name and not finding many results. My memories and personal growth are all saved on my personal drives and in diaries, I can go there to reminisce instead of a public timeline of my life. Plus I know if I met someone new, they’d have to get to know me the usual way.

Unless of course they found this blog which in case, hi. Please stop googling my name and just text me. I promise to respond.

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