I don’t remember the name or the face of the first boy I ever kissed (see First Kiss post for an explanation of that) but that is not true for the first time I ever locked lips with a girl.
It was freshman year of college, soon after my male first kiss, and I was partying with my roommate and her friends. The girl was close with my roommate, she was older, had her own apartment and everything which seemed huge and glamorous compared to my dorm room. She was artsy, a painter with canvass sprawled throughout her apartment and a cluster of paper cranes as a chandelier. She was beautiful and outgoing and free in a way I’d never been before.
So the night in question, we were at a party getting drunk when we all decided to go to the nearby park to play hide and seek in the dark. I had been flirting with one guy most of the night but really only at the insistence of my roommate and her friend when really I just wanted to stay by their side. So the boy, can’t even remember him which is a growing trend I’m realizing, all I know is we made out a little at the park and it was…bad. Even in my little kissing experience I knew that one was just not a great kiss. This is where the girl comes in.
She’d been sitting in the jungle gym with my roommate drinking or smoking and I crawl up to tell them I just made out with that guy. They start laughing as I say how awful it was and then I start wondering if it’s actually ME who’s the bad kisser. That’s when the girl pulls me towards her and says, “well lets find out!” I can see the girls face, I can hear the laughter of my roommate and various drunk people in the background, I can feel the closeness of us sitting on the metal of the jungle gym and I can feel her lips on mine.
This first kiss made more sense to me than the others. My heart was beating out of my chest once she let me go and said “no I liked that it definitely isn’t you who’s the bad kisser.” I laughed in relief and a little bit of fear, then crawled out of the jungle gym to make out with the boy who never became a better kisser.
It took me a couple of years after this to be comfortable with labeling myself as bisexual. My attraction to girls as always been there, no matter how deep I buried it but this first kiss with a beautiful artsy drunk girl got me one step closer to accepting who I was.